Yesterday, I heard someone refer to Ian as ‘a real man’s man’.
I freely admit, my first thoughts were “What? My profoundly autistic son? How is that even possible?”
So, as always when I’m presented with a minor mental challenge, I gnawed on it, examined it from many angles, spent a sleepless night considering it, and did a little bit of research on it.
What exactly is a ‘man’s man’?
Perhaps I should start with my own thoughts on the matter …
To me, a man’s man is someone who is confident within himself, of himself and of his place in society. A man who is polite but strong-minded. A man who can express his thoughts clearly, and is not afraid of his emotions. A man equally comfortable in the company of men and women. Like that, sort of.
Does any of this apply to Ian?
Okay, I have to look further afield …
I’m not sure that helps us much.
No, that definitely doesn’t fit.
I’m beginning to understand what was meant.
Up til now, Ian has had almost exclusively female tutors and support staff. I had never given it a second thought.
Ian likes being outdoors.
Ian likes engaging in outdoor pursuits, in the company of his two (male) support staff.
Ian is responding well to their calm masculine guidance.
Ian is communicating better, more clearly and more frequently in an all-male environment.
Thus : Ian is a ‘man’s man’.
I think I get it now. 😊
And here’s another thing. Because of COVID-19 Ian has been in a much smaller group. Only him and one other ‘service user’, and their two carers.
A smaller group means less over-stimulation – remember, each service user has their own dedicated adult in attendance, so whatever number of people were there to be cared for, double it.
It also means less imitation of iffy behaviours.
That’s the thing, isn’t it? The books might tell you ‘autistic children don’t imitate’ –
“Often children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) show deficit in imitation. They often show little interest in the behaviors of others around them and rarely try to imitate them.” (https://luxai.com/how-to-teach-imitation-to-children-with-autism/)
But they do.
Reducing the size of the group and thereby limiting over-stimulation, and giving Ian male support staff for the first time in his 25 years, has shown a marked improvement in his interactions, his communication, and his willingness to cooperate.
And I, for one, couldn’t be happier.